Iranian Fashion Police Arrest Offenders for Brash Display of Flesh;
Italian Fashion Police Demand Brash Display of Flesh
United States sends international fashion-keeping forces from 'Coalition of Couture' to both nations to settle disputes
Andreas Stefanovich
Crackers
12 August 2004
Iranian newspapers reported this week that nearly 200 Iranian women have been arrested for wearing insufficient head coverings. At the same time, an Italian mayor has ruled that Muslim veils will be banned in his town ostensibly for "public safety" reasons.
In response, the United States has formed a 'Coalition of Couture' led by the judges from UPN's reality series America's Next Top Model to settle the matter in both countries. Officials have been sent to both Tehran and the Italian town of Azzano Decimo to conduct fashion inspections. No United Nations Resolution on the matter has been sought as United States officials feared that it would be vetoed by the Italian ambassador who leads the UN Council on Unsustainable Fashion.
Confused Iranian religious leaders backed down when western fashion officials pointed out that it was a standard practice of the decadent West to dictate the covering of skin. A cleric who prefers to remain anonymous told reporters, "We are not sure why the United States chooses to arrest women for the baring of the flesh, but if that is their policy then it certainly won't be ours."
The matter has not been resolved so easily in Italy. Italians seem resistent to the idea of Americans advising them on fashion. When asked by reporters what he thought of the American inspectors, Italian fashion maven Giorgi Ungaro replied, "Are you kidding? Americans don't know high quality fabric from cheap sackcloth!"
Further, Western officials are insisting that they be allowed at-will hands-on inspections of the country's Weapons of Mass Distraction (WMD's) for compliance with international treaties. Inspectors note that WMD's flow freely into and out of the town of Azzano Decimo across uncontrolled borders. The WMD's have lodged numerous objections citing the fact that the inspectors appear to be underpaid Americans looking to cop a feel for free. Inspectors are bewildered by the complaints, pointing out that this is standard practice in United States airports.
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