Crackers |
|
Rumsfeld Recommends Outsourcing Torture
Andreas Stefanovich Last week Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld ruled out the possibility of shutting down in the near future the detention facility at Guantanomo known as Camp Delta citing inadequate facilities in their home countries. However, he did recommend that the United States look into the possibility of outsourcing the current torture and interrogation activities to other countries with expertise in such pursuits. Citing those who have photographed and released torture- and interrogation-related activities, Rumsfeld said that Americans' amateurish efforts at extracting information have proved embarassing for the Bush administration. He further critcized torturers and interrogators for their limited productivity. "Really now, we've had hundreds of people detained for several years now and we have yet to extract sufficient information to charge a single one of them," an exasperated Rumsfeld complained. Representatives from the International Brotherhood of Torture and Interrogation Workers were incensed. "This is yet another example of taking away jobs that rightfully belong to Americans. Taxpayers have a right to know that their taxpayer dollars are being used to substitute cheap foreign labor in place of the most patriotic interrogators and torturers in the world," said IBTIW president James Haskins. "We believe Americans want Americans interrogating and torturing these detainees- not disinterested foreigners who don't carry the emotional baggage of 9/11." IBTIW representatives deny any formal protest activities are taking place. However, numerous interrogators yesterday suddenly found themselves having trouble remembering which questions they had already asked leading them to repeatedly ask those being interrogated what their names were over and over again. And several professional torturers reportedly refused to touch Qurans let alone throw them on the floor or into toilets. "We need to stop wasting taxpayer dollars on inefficient and unproductive torture and interrogation activities," Rumsfeld said. As an alternative to outsourcing, he also said the administration is looking into the possibility of contracting with Halliburton for unique services such as dripping oil torture, a variation on the ancient art of water torture.
|