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For Real Quote of the Week:
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
George W. Bush, 5 August 2004
- Terror Threat Detected; Authorities Order Swift Action
- "Compelling intelligence information that financial and government centers may be targets of a terrorist attack has prompted a massive build-up of security... In addition, swat teams have been deployed to Dealey Plaza in Dallas after startling audio evidence hinted that there would be an assassination attempt against the President on or around November 22, 1963."
- Election 2004: Reality TV for Canadians
- "In a post-hanging chad world, 50% of Americans believe Al Gore is the duly elected President of the United States; the others think Bush won fair and square by a vote of 5 to 4 (in the Supreme Court). In this election, everyone's eyeing the next guy. In Michigan, for example, Team Bush is recruiting up to 1,000 people as poll watchers to make sure voters in Democratic precincts are actually registered to vote there. Democrats are recruiting volunteers to watch the watchers. And Kerry reportedly has lawyers in every state organized to pounce at the first sign of Florida-creep."
- Break the Voting Monopoly!
If the election were run like a business, we might be satisfied customers
- "Private corporations hold elections all the time, and they routinely deliver victory to the management's nominees for the board of directors by huge majorities without any fuss. Only an election run by government bureaucrats would be handled so incompetently that it produces a close vote, let alone so irresponsibly that a Democrat is even allowed to win every now and then."
- Congress passes USA LOWFAT Act of 2004
Surgeon General declares "War on Fat"
- "The most notable aspect of the USA LOWFAT Act is a heavy tax on all fatty and sugary foods. Other features include banning advertisements for unhealthy foods that appeal to children, making it illegal to sell soft drinks in public schools, and creating a color-coded Homeland Obesity Advisory System."
- On Your Mark... Get Set... Urinate!
- "After years of grudging acceptance by the world's most accomplished athletes, peeing in a cup has finally been designated an officially sanctioned Olympic competition."
- Excommunication Craze Sweeps U.S. Catholics
- "Bishop Raymond Burke's recent announcement that Wisconsin lawmakers who support abortion rights can no longer receive communion ignited a firestorm in the American Roman Catholic Church, especially among those U.S. bishops who wished they'd thought of the idea first."
- Exit Strategy
How to leave Iraq in three simple steps
- "We will have to establish excellent communications so that the moment that final person begins dying, we can all begin running quickly at the same time, eyes cast down, quickly, to our vehicles, to get to the airport and get out of the country."
- President Bush's Terrorism Worksheet
- Cartoon or classified document? You be the judge!
- Reporting for Duty
- Russmo 'toon
- Vatican Letter on Feminism
- Stuart Carlson 'toon
- Conventioneers
- Mark Fiore animation
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