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For Real Quote of the Week:
"The requested page could not be found"
-Message returned if you click the link at the bottom of
Real ID-advocate Jim Sensenbrenner's webpage
labeled House of Representatives Privacy Policy.
(Coincidence? You be the judge.)
Special Reports
- Microsoft Partners with Hewlett Packard on National ID
- "Hewlett-Packard and Microsoft announced plans this week to launch a product to help governments verify citizens' identity. Dubbed the HP National Identity System, the new product offers governments the ability to build and implement identification management infrastructure quickly and affordably. Melissa Levine, spokesperson for the American Identity Security Union, was not encouraged by this announcement."
World News
- WHO: Pope's ring a major health hazard
- "An alarming report just released by the World Health Organization has named the three most lethal ailments now threatening humanity. These nightmarish diseases are the new virulent form of AIDS arising in Africa; the deadly bird flu gaining ground in Asia; and a horrible, just-discovered contagion apparently emanating from the Pope's ring."
- Bush Twins Cut Short Mideast Trip
Arab World Gives Thumbs Down to Spring Break-themed Diplomatic Mission
- "Calling their trip “a mission to bring the fun and wild times of Spring Break to the Middle East,” Jenna Bush told reporters upon arriving in Cairo, “We are going to show you Arabs how to party down, and I guarantee that this party will be off the hook!” But the tour, which was jointly underwritten by the Halliburton Company and Michelob, hit a speed bump on its very first stop, when Barbara Bush’s call to make Wednesday night Ladies’ Night across the Middle East received harsh rebukes from political and religious leaders throughout the region."
- U.S. Issues List of Approved Taunts for Guantanamo
Military Urges Use of Non-religious Insults
- "Addressing concerns about the treatment of detainees at the U.S. detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, the head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff today announced today that the U.S. was issuing a list of approved taunts for use on all detainees in U.S. custody."
- Fidel Castro to Retire to the U.S.
- "On August 13, he turns 79; and for one that has lived a life like that of Fidel Castro, all that is left to do is retire. “And maybe swing a golf club or two,” said Castro at a going-away party for the Iraqi ambassador just last week in Havana."
- Miscommunications Mar Mubarak/Bush Dialog
- "President Bush urged Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak on Wednesday to show the world his country can set an example for others by holding free and fair presidential elections. “You first!“ Mubarak responded after an extended bout of hysterical laughter."
- New Cuban Charges Bolster Bolton
- "The embattled nomination of John Bolton to be United Nations Ambassador was given a boost today by new revelations about the Cuban threat. An independent group issued a report Thursday stating that immediate American intervention was needed in Cuba to preserve America's heritage. Bolton's nomination has faced stiff opposition from Senators who believe he made overblown charges about Cuban weapons programs."
- Human Rights Abuse Allegations Make Cheney Cry, Abusing His Rights
- "Cheney's obvious emotional distress at the allegations has raised new allegations by Amnesty International against itself."
- "Church of Bush" Gets $3 Million in 2006 Budget
- "After months of denial and evasion, the White House has finally admitted that it is aware of a religious sect which considers President Bush to be a divine figure. Moreover, the sect is apparently scheduled to receive $3 million in funding through the Compassion Capital Fund (CCF), part of a three-year initiative included in the President's 2006 budget."
Science and Technology
- Mad Cows Sent to Anger Management
- "As health officials scramble to pinpoint the source of tainted beef found in the Northwest, they are also quarantining all pissed-off or angry-looking cows to make sure the disease does not spread to other animals."
- Scientists Bottle New Trust Me Drug
- "Scientists have discovered a nasal spray that can induce trust during business transactions. A study at the University of Zurich, published in the June 2 issue of Nature, found that test subjects given the hormone oxytocin invested 17 percent more money than those given a placebo. The oxytocin users showed maximum trust more than twice as often."
- Hypernasopharyngeality Linked to Stupidity
- "Today's issue of The Journal of the Ameriman Medical Association contained the results of clinical trials conducted by the Harvid Medical School Department of Psychonasopharyngealology that evaluated the correlation between Hypernasopharyngeality and intelligence quotient."
Business
- Intel Releases Pentium 4 with Dedicated Virus Coprocessor
- "Intel today announced they would begin shipments of the new Pentium 4 Virus Edition processor the Pentium 4VE. Intel claims that this processor provides the most effective tool for combating the Windows virus threat so far. The Pentium 4VE processor provides hardware acceleration through a coprocessor dedicated to running viruses thus relieving the CPU of this burdensome task."
Sports
- French Open Participant Didn't Realize He'd Be Getting That Red Crap All Over Him
- "Spain's Alberto Martin, a participant in the French Open tennis tournament in Paris, complained to friends this week that if he'd realized that he'd be getting that annoying red clay crap all over his shoes, he might not have played."
- Female Indy Driver Isn't What You Think
- "Danica Patrick, whose fourth-place finish at the Indianapolis 500 generated a blizzard of publicity and struck a blow for women, has a dark secret: She's actually a guy."
- WNBA vs. Jail? Decisions, Decisions
- "A Wisconsin woman who surrendered her Green Bay Packers tickets rather than spend 90 days in jail in a theft case will have a difficult time complying with additional terms of her probation, her lawyer says. A judge's order requiring the woman to purchase season tickets for an Arena Football League team and a WNBA team "is way more than cruel and unusual punishment," said Kendrell Jackson, the woman's lawyer."
Entertainment and Lifestyle
- C-Span To Introduce "Reality" Programming
- "Heralding that transformation, C-SPAN announced a daring new fall lineup highlighted by the tentatively titled, "House Party". The concept, which will focus on the actual views of five Democrats and five Republicans living under one roof, drew hundreds of aspiring participants to a D.C. audition in December, many bringing home videos."
Cartoons
-Wendy McElroy, Cartoon Editor
- Democracy Lite
- Mark Fiore animation
- Image Problem
- Steve Sack 'toon
- Jenna Is Worried
- Jeff Danziger 'toon
- High Ground
- Drew Sheneman 'toon
- Highly Over-Rated and For Sale
- Pat Oliphant 'toon
- News Alert
- Gary Varvel 'toon
- No Quran Here
- Matt Davies 'toon
- Be All You Wanna Be
- Pat Oliphant 'toon
- Shot Down Again
- Walt Handelsman 'toon
- Neighborhood Cops
- Russmo 'toon
- Wall Street Confusion
- Scott Stantis 'toon
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